Co-pee-pees

Three years ago, the school administration took away the teachers' copy machine because we were "abusing" it.  How do you abuse a copy machine?  I picture that scene in Office Space when the guys take the fax machine to a field and beat the crap out of it with a baseball bat.  Maybe teachers were being too rough trying to fix paper jams or pouring toner in the paper tray? Apparently just making copies constitutes "abuse." We are just trying to do our jobs.  But I guess our jobs are nothing important. You know, nothing important like molding the minds and morals of the local youth so they become productive adults who don't find it necessary to rob, rape, and/or murder for a living.   This school year I was expected to teach Algebra in a Chemistry Lab with no boards of any kind, and no ability to make copies.  Finally someone tired of teacher whining and a BRAND NEW copier magically appeared in the teachers' work room.  It took less than a week for the principal to check the copy count on the machine and decide it was too high.  So this note appeared. I'm pretty sure anything over "0" would have been too high for him. Do you think the all caps and excessive exclamation points gets his point across? I think he should have added some red lettering.

Environmentally Aware

ME: How did you get glitter all over you?

DAUGHTER: Global Warming.

Church of Saint iPhone

I try to take Daughter to the children's mass at our church. The kids go to the chapel to hear the readings and do a little craft. She gets a few minutes with other kids and I get a few moments alone.

Last Sunday, after the kids had returned to mass, I looked over and daughter had gotten my iPhone out of my pursing and was playing sudoku. I leaned over and whispered, "Excuse me!" and she said "What? I turned the sound off!"

To make it just a tad bit more embarrassing, we had been a few minutes late and the only seat we could find was in the second row.so I'm pretty sure the majority of people in the church saw my daughter playing games on my phone instead of praying.

God understands, right?

After Halloween Special

Daughter just came up with a doozie! When I told her the sparkly red blood on the "Happy Halloween" sign was to make it look scary she answered "Nothing scares me anymore, I've seen YOU naked!"