Tips from a four-year-old

ME: All the clothes in your hamper are dirty.

DAUGHTER: Well, I smelled some of them and they are clean.

ME: Who told you to do that?

DAUGHER: Mae Mae.

Another Overheard Conversation

This is what I overheard between Daugher and Husband while he was playing Madden on PS.

DAUGHTER: Is Kevin number fiveteefive jersey?

HUSBAND: Do you mean fifty-five?

DAUGHTER: That's what I said-fiveteefive.

Changing the subject

HUSBAND: Why did you give Mommy a hard time at the store?

DAUGHTER: I like your sweater, Daddy.

Rumor has it...

...My replacement has been fairly vocal that she will not be returning to that job next year. Hah! Can't hack it? Who cares. So Leon and I are plotting how I can get my old job back. First, I can finally change my name. So that might get me an interview. But what if they recognize me at the interview? Second, keep growing my hair long, maybe add some blonde highlights, and lose about 50 pounds (this is where my secondary plan of winning the next season of The Biggest Loser comes in). Next, I should find some kind of vocal coach and learn some exotic accent that will really throw them. I have such a long time to plan this....I'm so psyched.

Advertising Genius

LEON:What's that smell?

ME: Lysol.

EVELYN: Cuz kids and germs go hand in hand.

Career Change

I've compiled a list of jobs/careers I would like to have. Now, I'm not even sure if they all exist, but if (either of the two of) my followers know of any openings or how to get started in these careers, please let me know. And just to clarify, I have to be able to earn a living at these jobs.
1. Video game tester
2. Prima ballerina
3. knot untier
4. test writer
5. test reader
6. secret shopper
7. secret diner
8. secret airline customer (exotic locations preferred)
9. online game tester
10. typist
11. judge for "So You Think You Can Dance?"
12. resume & cover letter writer
13. ice hockey player
14. hockey rink manager
15. movie critic
16. TV critic
17. stage hand
18. tip calculator
19. origami artist
20. regional co-manager of a northeastern PA mid-range paper company (hey if they can have two regional managers why not three?)
21. IKEA display assembler
22. Focus group contributor (especially for mom-related products)
23. math textbook evaluator
24. doodler
25. cartoon colorist
26. trashy novel critic
27. beach bum
28. sports statistician
29. sesame street mupeteer
30. Mattress tester
31. dyson vacuum tester
32. ice-cream taste-tester.
Stay-tuned. If I think of new ones I'll add them to the list!

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I thought of a better title for this blog. But I don't know how to change it. Am I stuck with this stupid name forever?