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Co-pee-pees

Three years ago, the school administration took away the teachers' copy machine because we were "abusing" it.  How do you abuse a copy machine?  I picture that scene in Office Space when the guys take the fax machine to a field and beat the crap out of it with a baseball bat.  Maybe teachers were being too rough trying to fix paper jams or pouring toner in the paper tray? Apparently just making copies constitutes "abuse." We are just trying to do our jobs.  But I guess our jobs are nothing important. You know, nothing important like molding the minds and morals of the local youth so they become productive adults who don't find it necessary to rob, rape, and/or murder for a living.   This school year I was expected to teach Algebra in a Chemistry Lab with no boards of any kind, and no ability to make copies.  Finally someone tired of teacher whining and a BRAND NEW copier magically appeared in the teachers' work room.  It took less than a week for the principal to check the copy count on the machine and decide it was too high.  So this note appeared. I'm pretty sure anything over "0" would have been too high for him. Do you think the all caps and excessive exclamation points gets his point across? I think he should have added some red lettering.

Environmentally Aware

ME: How did you get glitter all over you?

DAUGHTER: Global Warming.

Church of Saint iPhone

I try to take Daughter to the children's mass at our church. The kids go to the chapel to hear the readings and do a little craft. She gets a few minutes with other kids and I get a few moments alone.

Last Sunday, after the kids had returned to mass, I looked over and daughter had gotten my iPhone out of my pursing and was playing sudoku. I leaned over and whispered, "Excuse me!" and she said "What? I turned the sound off!"

To make it just a tad bit more embarrassing, we had been a few minutes late and the only seat we could find was in the second row.so I'm pretty sure the majority of people in the church saw my daughter playing games on my phone instead of praying.

God understands, right?

After Halloween Special

Daughter just came up with a doozie! When I told her the sparkly red blood on the "Happy Halloween" sign was to make it look scary she answered "Nothing scares me anymore, I've seen YOU naked!"

First Attempt

I tried GoAnimate for the first time.  It's a short one based on something I heard while teaching about 6 years ago.  Enjoy!
http://youtu.be/FoZ-TdLsW0o

I'm blaming "The Suite Life"

Daughter is giving me a looooooooooooooong wet kiss on my cheek.

ME: Ok, thanks. That's enought.

DAUGHTER: I'm trying to make-out with you.

ME: What? NO!

DAUGHTER: Did you and Daddy make-out on your first date?

She's only FIVE! It's only going to get worse.


http://youtu.be/BrUMXOlQyvw

I need to rant...

Here's today's list of grievances:

1. If you are going to be a liar, don't call OTHER people immature when they call you out on it.

2. Um...Wait...Sorry...Nope...That's it. Just one.

But that one's a biggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Does Wendy's still have Biggie Fries and Biggie Cokes? I forgot about those...)

Do you have news?

This is what the director of Daughter's school asked me when I picked her up today:
"Do you have news for us?" I had no idea what she was talking about. So, after I stared at her for five minutes waiting for her to clue me in, she did. "You're daughter told us she's getting a baby sister." Well, that must be why I'm getting so fat!

The Day After Mother's Day

No less than 67,548 people today asked me "What did you do for Mother's Day?" My answer? "Cleaned." Was I supposed to do something else?

On Friday, Daughter's school had a Mother's Tea. It was very nice-despite having to sit at tables and chairs designed for 3-5 year-olds. All the kids had a little gift bag for their moms. Daughter gave me a homemade sun catcher and fudge. There was also a piece of paper with sentences an adult must have helped her finish. Here goes... {Daughter's answers are in red. My comments (because I can't let something be TOO sentimental without ridiculing it) are in blue.}

I LOVE MY MOMMY

My mommy is prettiest when we go out for dinner. Uh, to McDonald's? Or Sonic? or Wendy's? or Burger King? Oh, must be Five Guys!

My mommy is funniest when she holds me up with her feet like an airplane. Yeah, I'm a hoot.

My mommy likes to lay on the bed and read her book. Jeez, why don't you make it sound like I spend all lazing around?

I love it when my mommy doesn't have meetings and comes to pick me up. Aw man. That's a guilt trip if I ever saw one. I think I'm gonna cry. Who taught this kid? Did my mom help her fill-out this form? I actually wouldn't have been surprised to see something like "I love it when my mommy is fired from her job and stays home with me." Because she says that to me ALL the time. "Mommy, when are you gonna be fired again so you can stay home with me?" Ouch!

Mom's favorite color is green. Actually, it's not. But she "assigned" me green as my favorite color a couple years ago. No one else in the family had claimed green so I got stuck with it. Apparently two people CANNOT have the same favorite color.

My mom like to eat steak and chicken parm. Nice try. Those would be DADDY's favorite foods.

Happy Mother's Day

Love, Daughter

Well, she is a sweetie and I don't know anyone as honest and funny. Mwah! <3

Assome!

http://hotpinkslink.blogspot.com/2011/04/dying-for-candy.html

¡cinco de mayo!

I will have a dress on. And gold shoes.

Where does she get this stuff?

After biting into a homemade chocolate chip cookie Daughter yelled, "MOMMY! When was the last time you washed your hands?!?! This cookie is BAD!" I don't think I deserved that...people at work loved the cookies. Well, one person ate most of them so I'm not really sure what anyone else really thought.

Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulease!

If you're going to try to promote your business via social networking sites, could you please type in your links correctly? Ok, thanks! Buh-bye!

Good times past...

BTW, it's been a year since "the great threatner" sent me an email regarding this blog. And I'm still waiting for that call from her lawyer....

(see my post from Feb 26, 2010)

What is Cafeteria Pasta?

Took Daughter to see a play at a local high school. Before it began, they announced there would be pasta dinner in the cafeteria after the play.

DAUGHTER: Can we stay for dinner?

ME: No. You and I are going home to make dinner for Daddy.

DAUGHTER: Oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! I wanna stay.

ME: You don't even like pasta.

DAUGHER: But this is "cafeteria pasta!" I'll like it better than your pasta! Yours is yucky!

(Insulting my cooking is no way to win me over to get your way.)

Side note: Pugsly was there. I was afraid this would happen. He didn't attempt to talk to me. Maybe he didn't see me. Although, I don't know how he couldn't have seen me. We were sitting in the same row and I walked within inches of him two or three times. He's probably too wrapped up in checking on who's kissing his ass--of the people who still work for him--to notice lowly former employees whose lives he made miserable for two+ years. And I have to say, I was a little let down by the whole thing. I really wanted him to try to talk to me. So I could punch him in the face. That's how I've had it planned in my head for about two years now.

Shadow Game is no fun on D

DAUGHTER: My teacher doesn't like it when I repeat what she says.

ME: Yeah, that is pretty annoying.

DAUGHTER: Yeah, that is pretty annoying.

So I'm gonna have to drive 45 mins to give her Tylenol?

(This conversation took place over the phone after I'd received a call from Daughter's school that she had 101.5 fever and someone needed to pick her up.)

HUSBAND: I picked her up. She's on the sofa watching TV.

ME: Did you give her Tylenol or Motrin?

HUSBAND: No. I asked her if she wanted any and she said "No."

ME: I'm on my way home.