Wednesday, January 27, 2010

True Enough

ME: Can you tell Daddy dinner's ready?

DAUGHTER: No! You tell him!

ME: Me?!

DAUGHTER: Yeah, he's your wife!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

New Ones for the Medical Dictionary

DAUGHTER: I need that pink medicine that will make my fever better.
ME: You have a fever?
ME: Let me feel your head.
(Hand to Child's head)
No fever.
DAUGHER: PLEASE, Mommy! I'm sick I need the [delicious] pink medicine.
ME: Oh, so you just want the medicine because you like the taste?
DAUGHTER: No, I'm really sick.
ME: What's wrong with you?
DAUGHTER: Child Boring Sickness.
(Sound of mother laughing uncontrollably. Then texting several friends.)

15 mins later....

DAUGHTER: Mommy, I told you I need the pink medicine.
ME: Right, and what was wrong again?
DAUGHTER: Sick Boring Fever.
ME: What happened to Child Boring Sickness?
DAUGHTER: It got worse.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Didn't anyone teach her bragging is not lady-like?

My dislike of someones recent updates from a certain social networking site is growing to unhealthy levels. Someone I went to high school with apparently wants to brag about her recent career accomplishments. It is making me SICK. Villa girls! AH! Here's what I mean:

Tuesday 9:11 am: Was announced in front of a few hundred people as the new head of Global Operations and almost crapped my pants bc the reality sunk in....let the fun begin!!!!!
Ok honey, if you're going to be the "head" of anything you shouldn't crap your pants. But I understand. My pre-schooler has a pants-crapping problem, too.

Tuesday 9:32 am: Now onto the fun part...golfing at the Ritz, then Epcot, then City Walk at night.

Tuesday 5:00 pm: Drinking martinis at the Ritz with the president and CEO...god, what a fabulous decision to come to this company!!!!!!
Of course it's a "fabulous decision" when you're sitting around getting drunk in Florida.

Tuesday 9:32 pm: today was the greatest day of my professional life where I stepped back and realized that everything happens for a reason and I could never have imagined this...thank you [Husband] for the support :-)
What POSSIBLE reason could there be for YOU becoming an executive and ME being unemployed? And you just had to mention your husband. "Look at me! I'm a big executive and I have a husband and I am truly successful and I wonder when Villa will call me about speaking at this years graduation!!!" Yeah, I may be sitting at home in the middle of the day on a Thursday with nothing better to do than blog about Villa girls, but at least don't write in run-on sentences.

So I googled the girl to see where she works. Had to join a certain carreer networking site to view her profile (and I am now a proud employee of Vandalay Industries). She is Head of Global Operations at a company described as "providing sophisticated risk management services." Notice: it's not just risk management it's sophisticated risk management. Is there non-sophisticated risk management? As I understand it, risk management isn't exactly a "simple" field. And by the way "risk management" is corporate insurance. Here's how it works: "Pay us millions of dollars to tell you how to waste a few more million dollars. But we'll make it look like we EARNED you millions more!"

Yeah, it's pretty obvious I'm just jealous here. I am. Just when I think I can deal with my life, the unfairness rears it's ugly head when all I wanted to do was play Bejeweled Blitz. This is what keeps running through my head: I know I am smarter than her. We had plenty of classes together in high school. I know I am smarter than her. So how come she's on a business trip celebrating her new executive position and I'm at home on applying to take surveys? Am I less ambitious than her? (Btw, we both went to the same certain University. Looks like it worked out for her. Whereas for me, it sent me into a downward spiral of career failure.) Do I lack something she has that I don't even know I don't have? Why can't I find a job? Why haven't I been happy at any real job I've had? I could rationalize that I was a teacher and was doing something meaningful and she isn't. But, I'm not a teacher anymore. I'm an unemployed lump with nowhere to go.

So, I think the best thing to do is delete her as a friend on the certain social networking site. Then at least she won't be reminding me of my failures and inadequacies. AND I will feel great joy in the millisecond it takes to hit that little "X."

Parenting Lessons from the Supermarket

Conversation I overheard yesterday at Shop Rite:

Mom: Stop it NOW! Or you will get NO SNACK!

Little Girl: GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!

Lesson learned: Threat of "no snack" not an effective way of making child sit in the cart.